


Fantastic futas and where to find/fuck them

by StrangeCity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Futanari, Humor, M/M, Mystery, Shameless Smut, Size Kink, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:21:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27061840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeCity/pseuds/StrangeCity
Summary: Harry is dealing with the death of Cedric very badly. Everywhere he looks he can see faint traces of his late boyfriend. In the cold Scottish scenery around Hogwarts, in his oatmeal... and in his heart. He can even see him in a certain Luna Lovegood. But Luna Lovegood was always a mystery. Thankfully, Harry was good at solving them.
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	Fantastic futas and where to find/fuck them

Harry had a lot to think over the summer holidays. The Triwizard Tournament was harrowing and beautiful in equal parts. It was in those dark days that Cedric found Harry and Harry found himself. 

It was Ron and Hermione who talked him into it. 

"You have to spy on your competition, Harry. It's a Hogwarts tradition!" said Ron.

"Actually," said Hermione as she dropped the weights on her squat rack, "In Hogwarts: A History it’s traditional to cripple your rivals."

Harry wasted no time in hunting his opponent. He was under his invisibility cloak as he admired the voluptuous body of his rival, Krum. He stood in all his majesty on the deck of the Drumstrang ship, the only thing protecting him from the cold a meager pair of swim briefs. Steam rose of his rippling muscles as he warmed his body in tight, hard stretches. Harry's Omnioculars drank in Krum's nipples, erect from the freezing Scottish air. His gaze drifted lower and came to a rest on his bulge. Harry licked his lips and pressed the record button. He zoomed in closer until it felt like he could sample the goods for himself. 

Harry steadied himself, he was here for different reasons. 

He brought up his harpoon gun, stolen from Filch's office and aimed it at the lake below. Krum would meet his end in the dark unforgiving waters. Harry heart raced as Krum's ass rose into the air in a diving position. Krum leapt off the ship in the perfect mix of form and style. His sweat shone off his body and illuminated him against the fog. Such beauty. Such elegance. He was a magnificent swan amongst the ugly ducklings. And at this moment, Harry could not bare snuff out this wonder from the world. He lowered his harpoon. This was a being that was not to experience suffering. Harry walked away. His mind in a daze but his heart full. Perhaps a Hufflepuff would be easier game. 

\-----------------------------

Cedric's fist slammed into Malfoy's face. Again and again in a rhythmic beat; cold hard knuckles met soft face meat. Each time his fist came down blood splattered on the wall and each time it rose was met with the pained whimpering of his victim. It was a decadent dance of blood and violence. The assault never lost momentum as Malfoy's face lost form and teeth.

Moments before, Harry was stalking Cedric down the winding halls of Hogwarts. He was waiting for a moment of seclusion, dagger at the ready. Harry followed him into an abandoned corridor. His ambush failed as he saw Cedric cross paths with Malfoy.

"Hello Cedric, Congratulations on becoming one of the champions, I know you’ll make Hogwarts proud!" said Malfoy cheerfully.

Cedric turned on him like a wild animal. 

Shocked, Harry dropped his dagger. Neither of the two noticed, too absorbed in the one sided fight. His empty hand went immediately down his pants and he felt cum between his fingers. His hand clasped around his cock and he started to stroke. His eyes never left Cedric's intense, but sexy, eyes. With each blow Cedric rained down on Malfoy, Harry squirted again and again. Harry's schlong throbbed with each passing wave of cum. His hands weren't even touching it anymore. He was free-squirting. Harry was at his limit but his body said otherwise, demanding more than he had. His mouth frothed as his body flailed around. 

A primal instinct kicked in and his body barked out only one command. EVACUATE. 

Harry collapsed on the floor as his bowels, bladder and ball sack emptied in a violence only matched by Cedric's fury. His shumming (shitting and cumming) only stopped when Cedric finished. 

Harry was a mess on the floor, his invisibility cloak launched across the room and stuck on a wall in a web of cum. Cedric walked over and knelt down. He cradled Harry's head in his bloodied arms.  


That was how Harry met Cedric. On the floor at his lowest point where Cedric saw him for who he truly was.

Later that same day, Harry broke both of Fleur's legs with a sock full of galleons and dumped her in the Forbidden Forest. It took her 2 days to crawl her way out. 

\-----------------------------

But then Cedric died and Harry was inconsolable. 

\-----------------------------

The new school year came and with it came new challenges. For Harry, it was existing. He sat in the great hall for breakfast, drowning his sorrows in a bowl of oatmeal when a strange sound caught his ears. The sharp sound of metal on stone echoed through the hall. He looked around but no one else was paying attention, as if they couldn’t hear it at all. His whirling head found nothing strange as Luna Lovegood sat down beside him, the sound of a thick cord of rope hitting the floor followed soon after.  


“How was everyone’s summer?” she said cheerfully.

“Fuck off, Luna,” said everyone at the table.

“Yeah fuck off, Luna,” said Harry sadly as he stared into his oatmeal. Cedric ate oatmeal. At least he was pretty sure he did, he never spent that much time with him eating.

“Mine was great. I went to Sweden with Daddy hunting for Crumpled-Horned Snorkacks,” she said airily, “They’re quite hard to find, you know.”

Everyone naturally tuned her out as Hermione swiftly changed subjects. 

“So how are you holding up Harry?”

Harry started to weep. Ron leaned over the table and punched Harry in the face. “None of that pussy Hufflepuff shit at the Gryffindor table, Harry,” he said sternly.

“Yeah,” said Hermione as she shot gunned a beer.

Harry stopped crying, more from the pain than anything. “Thanks guys, you’re the best bros I could ask for.”

Ron nodded, satisfied his best friend wasn't a pussy. "By the way, did you see Lavender's legs?"

Hermione scowled as she crushed her beer can. "I have legs. Why aren't you looking at my legs?

Ron shook his head. "Hermione you midiot (muggle idiot). I'm not going to look at your fat sausage legs. Just look at Lavender's and see for yourself."

Harry looked at Lavender. She looked perfectly normal except she didn't have any legs. It looked like she was levitating. Something stirred deep within Harry. It was incredibly erotic. Cedric didn't have any legs... well, not anymore. His erection grew.

"That's fucking hot but how the fuck is she doing that?" said Harry.

"Harry you midiot (muggle idiot), she vanished her legs. Now we don't have to see her fat ass legs anymore. It's very becoming of a woman," said Ron as he gave Hermione a knowing look.

"I didn't set up a squat rack in Professor Bin's classroom so I could hide them," Hermione countered, "These bad boys deserve to be seen by everyone! Don’t you remember that these juicy thighs destroyed the philosopher's stone in first year?"

"Yeah," said Harry, "Remember when she crushed Goyle's head? Madam Pompfrey said it couldn't be healed on account of all the dark magic. The ministry is still debating whether to consider Hermione's thighs a dark artifact."

Hermione, satisfied that her thighs were feared and respected turned to her depressed friend. "Harry, why don't we go to magical history. I can help you can squat out the pain."

“I think I need some time to myself,” said Harry. He got up to leave and nodded at his best and closest friends. “Bronald. Bromione.” 

He didn’t know how long he could keep it together. After all, he used to punch Cedric when he cried. 

\-----------------------------

A week later found Harry under his invisibility cloak outside the Hufflepuff common room. He had managed to grab his hands on some male, definitely male, Hufflepuff robes. It wasn’t Cedric’s of course but it was as close as he could get. Breaking in was easy, the barrels stood no chance against a horny and depressed Gryffindor. He topped that barrel so hard. 

He was huffing the robes, desperately willing the scent into himself. He was brought to near ecstasy. His hands shook as he unscrewed his jumbo sized jar of pixie dust. This was going to be good, just like how Cedric taught him that night in the prefect’s bathroom.

The sound of hooves clopping shook Harry from his work. He scowled, he was so close too. Was it Filch again with one of his craaaaaazy contraptions, they were sure to put a smile on his face. Whether it be his wacky harpoon gun he used to hunt students at night or was he setting up his decapitation traps again. All the kids loved him, Old Filchy was the best.

His train of thought broke as the sounds got louder…and.. closer.

Luna, of course babbling to herself about some inane bullshit, came skipping around the corner. She crashed into Harry under his invisibility cloak spilling the pixie dust and his stolen goods everywhere. 

“You bitch of a witch, Luna,” screamed Harry, “I was so close!”

“Oh, Harry. Fancy seeing you here. Are you here to steal from the Hufflepuffs as well?”

“Luna, babe. I’m the motherfucking chosen one. I would never steal from a lesser being,” said Harry as he tried and failed to shove a used jockstrap into his pocket.

“Harry, who is Jerome?” said Luna.

“What? Who?” Harry looked at the jockstrap in his hand. The name Jerome was written on it in big bold letters. Harry’s instincts kicked in. “Fuck off, Luna!”

Luna smiled blankly, shrugged and walked away, sputtering more inane bullshit. Harry mentally high fived himself, then actually high fived himself. Then he slapped himself on his ass. It made a jiggling sound like Bronald eviscerating jelly. As he watched Luna fade off into the darkness his eyes were drawn to the pixie dust spread on the ground around him. There were marks in the dust. Hoof prints and a long thick line trailed through the dust the way Luna came. 

\-----------------------------

Hagrid bent down low and grabbed a handful of dirt. He slammed it into his mouth and began to chew. As the dirt turned into mud he suddenly understood everything. Magic was everywhere. The wizards and witches of Hogwarts would never understand the true power of nature. They only looked within themselves for magic and because of that they were blind to the world. Hagrid swallowed the last of the dirt. “Winter will coming early this year,” he announced and promptly went inside his cabin to prepare. 

He checked over his buckets of dirt, ready for the coming winter. He was low on clay. A visit to the lake would not be unwise. A smart rapping on his door drew his attention away from his preparations. It was young Harry Potter. Hagrid ushered him in lest winter would catch them unaware. 

“Nice ta see yer Harry,” said Hagrid. “Can I interest ya in a cup of dirt?”

“Not now Hagrid,” said Harry, “I have more pressing matters to discuss with you.”

Hagrid brought a steaming cup of mud to Harry’s face, “Not even if I crushed some rocks on top? You used to love them in first year!”

”Well, okay. A cup wouldn’t hurt,” said Harry as Hagrid crushed a rock above the mug with his strong meaty hands.

Harry took a sip of mud and sighed in contentment. “You know a lot about magical creatures, Hagrid. Do you think you could identify a creature based of its hoof prints?”

“Yer bet ya bottom gallon, Harry!” said Hagrid enthusiastically, "That’s ma thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!!! Didn’t I tell ye about ma time as a student? I was a Hufflepuff, we’re great finders we are.”

Harry nodded and gulped some mud. “I have it drawn here,” he said, pulling parchment from his robes. A jockstrap dropped to the floor. Harry scrambled to pick it up as Hagrid looked at the parchment.

His face dropped. “It’s fucking her. I knew this day would come. The ministry won’t take me to Azkaban again.” Hagrid’s big meaty hands dug into his table as he stared into Harry’s sight holes. “She has revealed her true form. Don’t trust her.”

Before Harry could respond, Hagrid yeeted the table through a window. Of course, the windows in Hagrid’s hut were tiny and what resulted was a giant hole torn through his walls.

Barely a moment passed before Hagrid was halfway to the forbidden forest yelling and screaming. “Take care of me dirt buckets, Harry! We’ll need them come winter!”

Harry sat in his chair, an uncomfortable draft now swirling his robes and took another sip of mud. Seems like things were getting interesting. 

\-----------------------------

Harry steadied his grip on the crowbar as lay in wait outside the Slytherin common room. It’d been hours but finally all the waiting would pay off. As Draco exited the common room, Harry slammed the crowbar into his head. He dropped to the floor, twitching. Harry rummaged through his clothes, taking extra time and care with the trouser pockets, and retrieved a sack full of gallons. He stepped over his other 10 Slytherin victims he had lobotomized waiting for his Draco. He sang the Gryffindor theme song as he walked away. Tonight’s hunt will please Hermione.

For once he felt refreshed. Light on his toes he skipped and danced down the halls. It felt good to relieve some stress. He rounded a corner and came face to face with a group of Ravenclaws.

“You’re such a bitch Luna,” said Cho Chang. Harry nodded in agreement.

“Yeah,” said Marietta Edgecombe, “Just because you use vanishing cream on your fat legs doesn’t mean you have to flaunt it.”

“We all have fat ass legs,” said Cho. “We went through your trunk and couldn’t find anything. Haven't you ever heard of sharing?”

Marietta pushed Luna into a wall. “Where are you hiding it you freak?.”

A knife appeared in Cho’s hands and she drew it across her own face leaving a bloody gash. “I’m fucking insane, Luna. I’m the craziest bitch you’ll ever meet. No one messes with Cho.”

Marietta held Cho back as she struggled and writhed. “Chill, Cho. We don’t need another death on our hands.”

Harry cleared his throat. “Hi girls… and Luna”

Cho spun around sending blood spraying everywhere. “Heya Harry,” she said cheerfully. “We were just leaving.”

“Yeah, Harry. See you at our secret defense lessons!” shouted Marietta.

Cho turned to Luna, “I'll be seeing you tonight," she hissed, "This conversation isn’t over.”

Harry ignored Luna, this was just another average Wednesday night. He walked past the girl and tripped.

Falling face first in front of Luna's legs he found they weren't vanished at all. Instead they were skeletal, obsidian black and ended with a pair of hooves. But what was this? There were three legs. The third leg twitched. Wait, that can't be! It was in fact a thick throbbing leathery cock. Harry looked up and saw Luna staring down. His eyes teared up, not from the smell that permeated the air, but because of Cedric. He also had an unusually large member. Luna stepped forward and the sound of hooves echoed around the corridor. That was that sound again. Was it Luna all along?

"Don't be afraid, Harry", she said as she picked him up from the floor.

"Dude what the fuck Luna," he said pointing to her legs. "I thought Cho and Marietta said you vanished your legs!"

"To them they would appear vanished. But to anyone who has seen death can see my true form."

Harry shuddered. "That sounds like Threshals."

"Yes, Harry," said Luna, "I am half Threshal."

Harry balked. "I thought your parents were wizards. Didn't your mother die in a spell accident?"

“Whoever told you that?” Luna brushed him off. "No. My mother was a Threshal. My dad fucked a Threshal. I am the result."

"Oh, no wonder you've kept this a secret."

"Secret?" she replied, "I've never kept it a secret."

Harry's mind flashed back to the start of this year, in the carriage on the journey into Hogwarts. Harry, Hermione, Ron and Luna had commandeered a carriage for themselves.

"The things that are pulling the carriage are my half brothers. I'm half Threshal on my mother's side," said Luna.

"Your mother died in a spell accident? That's terrible, Luna," said Hermione. She was concentrating on an article about herself in Witch Weekly titled 'Can these thighs be the key to defeat the Dark Lord?'.

"No thats not right at all," retorted Luna. "I'm actually going into super heat this year. My little linguini has doubled in size. Dumbledore has been really helpful. He had instructed me to see Hagrid every Thursday to deal with my lust but I'm worried the girth will now be too much even for him." 

Harry returned to the present to find Luna straddling him, her now erect member nudging his chin.

Luna looked down at him, her cheeks flushed. "I'm in super heat, Harry. Hagrid's physique wasn't able to cope. But you, Harry. You're the chosen one. You should be able to help me."

Harry remembered Cedric's last words before his ghost faded away in the Riddle cemetery. "This won't make sense now, Harry, but when the time comes; Fuck the Threshal."

Harry looked up at Luna, determination in his eyes. He'd do it. For Cedric. 

"I'll do it for you Cedr-," he coughed, "I mean, Luna." Luna grabbed Harry's tie and brought him close. But before their sweet embrace she turned around and said, "You know what to do, boys."

Harry noticed a group of house elves come out of the shadows. They wheeled in an old gramophone. Dobby was there carrying a dusty record and he gave Harry a happy little wave as he set it down to play.

Harry heard white noise fill the corridor before vocals blared out a cacophony of sound.

_When I was a young boy  
My father took me into the city  
To see a marching band..._

"It's the only thing that can get me off, just deal with it."

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was silenced by Luna's mouth clamping over his own. Harry's mouth was invaded by her long tongue as it made its way down his throat. He could feel her dick become more and more erect as her precum ran slowly down his neck. In what felt like hours, Luna finally released her mouth's hold on Harry.

"It's time."

Harry nodded, his mind a haze. Luna took out her wand and said, "Accio, Harry's underwear."

His underwear ripped through his pants, tearing them to shreds as Luna caught them with her free hand. She brought it to her face and sniffed the fuck out of it. She looked at his tattered clothes and disintegrated them with a reducto. Striding forwards she thrusted his underwear into his mouth.

"Don't spit it out," she commanded. His dick throbbed in anticipation. 

Luna flipped him over onto his stomach. He could feel the cold tiles and he shivered... in excitement. Harry knew what was going to happen next as he spread his cheeks. Cedric did this all the time. 

He felt a warm moist sensation hit his ass. He gasped as he felt his muscles unclench, massaged into subservience by Luna's unrelenting tongue. 

Harry put his hands around Luna's shaft. Merlin, he could barely fit his hands around it. He looked back, eyes pleading. "Please Luna, fuck me now. Put it in my bussy (boy pussy)".

Luna didn't hesitate, she spat in his bussy (boy pussy) and slid it in. Harry groaned as she made her way inside him. He pushed back instinctively, reveling in the feeling. 

As Luna bottomed out, she let out a moan of pleasure. "Hagrid could never take all of me," she whispered in his ear. Harry blushed, suddenly embarrassed and... proud. 

Luna took out her wand and cast a spell on Harry's hips. He felt his body meld into an unfamiliar shape and harden. He felt Luna's fingers wrap around two transfigured handles jutting from his hips. 

"Prepare for impact," she said as she started to thrust. It increased in intensity. Each time Luna slammed her hips into Harry's ass he could feel his whole body buckle. He was close to bursting.

Luna pressed her body against Harry. He could feel her breasts against his back but he felt her cock inside him much better. Harry felt one hand lithely caress his swollen dick and the other violently tease his nipples. With each thrust he felt her hot breath on his neck. Harry tensed, his whole body constricted as Luna moaned in delectation. Luna was gasping as Harry’s bussy (boy pussy) milked her dry. Her thrusting, now erratic, finally stopped as she pushed her whole member into Harry. She let out a loud neigh as Harry felt a tsunami of cum fill his insides. 

In the years to come, Harry would ponder if it was Luna's wild neighing that finally pushed him into ejaculating. Luna withdrew her member and a wave of cum washed out of his hole like some sort of fucked up enema.

Harry and Luna laid on the floor, panting and too exhausted to move. The house elves clapped politely, except for Dobby who was whooping and hollering. They started to bring out the mop and bucket as Dobby walked up and patted Harry on the back. 

"Harry Potter is the bravest wizard who has ever lived. Dobby is proud to be Harry's friend."

Harry's eyes began to lose focus as the elves worked.

_Do or die, you'll never make me (we'll carry on)  
Because the world will never take my heart (we'll carry on)  
Go and try, you'll never break me (we'll carry)  
We want it all, we wanna play this part  
(We'll carry on!)_

The voices echoes around him as he finally lost consciousness. 

\-----------------------------

Epilogue.  
One week later.

Harry sat in Hagrid's hut nestled in his wheelchair nursing a hot cup of mud. 

Harry looked at Hagrid. "I know we said we'd never talk about Luna, but did she do the thing with the-"

"The underwear gag?" replied Hagrid. "Yer, she did that every time. Mind you I only have the one pair o' underwear."

Harry laughed, but it was weak.

"You know Harry," said Hagrid softly, "That was a brave and noble thing you did with Luna. No normal wizard coulda survived that punishment."

Harry nodded... He had his doubts after Cedric's death but if he could survive Luna then he could survive anything. He truly was the boy who lived.

**Author's Note:**

> Other working titles of this fic include:  
> The colour of lum (love and cum)  
> The shape of cum  
> Thestral is magic  
> Fun with futas  
> Harry’s humping, horny adventure


End file.
